Healthy tips on having that money conversation!

How To Have That Conversation about your finances Before you commit to something long term.

Did you know that you can have an agreement setup before you get serious in a relationship? Does that mean it looks as though you don’t trust each other?

1.What Is A Relationship Contract?

A relationship contract is a document that gets written up and signed by (usually) two people within an intimate relationship. But, in truth, the contract is a catalyst for a very honest conversation.

It isn’t legally binding. It isn’t a marital contract. It’s a relationship contract.

You sit down together and say, “Okay, what does being in a relationship mean to us individually? What’s important to us that we make sure we include in here? What can we put in our contract that would make you feel safe, loved, seen, and cared for?”

You write down/type up all of the things that each of you wants to include, print it off, and sign it. Et voila… you’ve just created your very own custom-made relationship contract!

Examples of Relationship Contracts

2.He Earns More Money  Than You?

1. Money conversations are important, would you let your partner manage the finances just because he earns more than you?

Here is some statistics to consider.  This doesn’t mean just because he earns more that he should be in charge, it is a mutual decision

The full-time average weekly ordinary earnings* for women are 13.9% less than for men (ABS 2019, Average Weekly Earnings).

3. How to Go About That Approach to have a Money Conversation!

Yes it’s uncomfortable and it’s very important as most relationships fail due to money issues.

How do you approach that conversation about money in your relationship when you are considering a future together?

Honesty in Having the Money Conversation

So much of the social contracts that we build with people in our lives are covert – that is to say they are never explicitly talked about.

Co-creating your relationship contract with your partner will give you both the opportunity to be 100% transparent and honest about what is important to you in your relationship.

Getting it all out on the table early on in your relationship, you’ll be able to avoid conflict, because of the honesty that you brought to the process of creating your relationship contract.

4. How you can Avoid Conflict For a Successful Money conversation

Does the idea of talking about money cause you discomfort anyway and worse if you have to discuss it with your partner or intended?

Well they say, nice girls just don’t do it.  Nice girls don’t talk about money and they certainly don’t say they want lots more of it.

On the other hand if the woman earns more it can become more difficult and making her more protective.

When it’s ok to say they want to win Lotto.

5. Are You Ashamed to have that Money Conversation?

Do you feel some shame, guilt or fear about talking about your money?  Sometimes talking about money with someone you trust is hard.

What if they don’t agree with you and really won’t listen to you?

If that’s you, then you are not alone.

Many women are capable of managing their own money, while others find that dealing with money is stressful and something that has a power over them.

Other women find it just boring to have to think about a budget or stick to one and some find that the idea of planning for their own financial future very uncomfortable.

Having that money conversation with a partner can be really stressful at the thought of it when you are uncomfortable talking about your own issues with money.

It’s hard to get clarity in a two-way talk if you are not clear about what you want.

Women in a partnership think that the man’s higher salary will provide for her future.

Marriage Separation Statistics

Pretty much one in two marriages coming unstuck with separation and divorce at an average of 12 years.

Here are the latest statistics

According to the Australian Bureau Of Statistics (ABS) most recent study, there were 49,032 divorces granted in 2017 (and 112,954 marriages) which was up 5.2% from the previous year so the rate has risen slightly.

Queensland has the highest crude divorce rate with 2.3 divorces per 1,000 estimated resident population, while the Northern Territory had the lowest at 1.6.

Women and men really have to get control to help the longevity of a healthy relationship.  So before the relationship really gets serious the money conversation needs to be addressed.

What if your partner has very different money personality spending habits from you and treats money lightly and you are the saver?

How does that make you feel?  Does that scare you? If you want to talk about the difference in the way you both manage money, does your partner disappear or say that it bores them?  How do you feel when it’s a no-go area in your relationship?

Did you know that most divorces occur because of financial stress and non-communication about money?

Most women are smart and quite capable, but they often find that talking about money really difficult and uncomfortable especially with a partner with a different view on money in a relationship.

So you don’t like to talk about it and this side-stepping and avoidance often leads you and many women dealing with money in a way that is not in your best interests.

What to do?

Helpful tips to have That important money conversation checklist

 Firstly deal with your own issues before discussing the “us”  of the relationship

#What triggers your emotional reactions to money?

And what is the reaction that you experience?  Become aware of the response that causes you to blink when spending money is mentioned.

Become aware of the response that is triggered in your partner if they don’t want to “ talk about it”.  This can lead to a power struggle in your relationship.

#Can you face the issues that bug you about money?

Money is a commodity not something that comes into your life to beat you up. Of course, you choose what to spend your money on and this might be the issue.

Let’s have a look at some of the 5 Leading Causes of Financial Problems and What to do About Them

Lack of budgeting and money management skills

Decrease in income

Marital and family issues

Health and Medical expense

Education expenses

#Clarity about your money and what you want to have?

Do something helpful like looking at your financial situation.

What lifestyle do you want?

Dream about your most precious goal and write it down.  See how long that will take you to achieve and set a plan that tracks your achievement.

Make it 2-3 years for the foreseeable future as the basis of a longer term goal.

#Look at your income and what you spend and It might involve downloading an app that helps to help track your spending,

Comm Bank have a great app for tracking your spending

https://www.commbank.com.au/digital-banking/commbank-app.html

Check out your superannuation statement and where it’s invested and if that boggles you, make an appointment with a financial adviser to create a savings and investment plan who will help you to consolidate debt and figure out a few good options with you.

Money is an easy conversation! And it is an emotionally healthy thing to do for yourself.

The options of “doing something” is unique to you and what you really want to achieve. The most important thing is to start.

So how do you have that conversation now with your partner once you have clarity around what you want?

#Approach as a team effort mindful that there may be a few differences in conversation.

Check that there is shared vision and common goals here.  Do you both want the same things?  The same lifestyle?

If the goals are aligned then you find that money is managed differently because you are cautious and your partner is more of a risk taker, share how that makes you feel.

If you are the spender and your partner is the saver, how will you feel if you can’t have what you want all the time?

Is the shared goal more important to you now?

If there are serious differences then make an appointment with a financial adviser who can work through a plan that you can both agree on together and meet to hold it accountable.

If there is still no agreement on doing this plan then you might have to ask if this relationship is right for you. Financial issues are a deal breaker.